Beyond anger management: healing the hurt beneath anger

Many people consider anger to be a negative emotion, something undesirable and to be kept in check. We often feel uneasy around those who suddenly explode with anger; we may metaphorically or literally want to step away from the person, we may even feel frozen by their unbridled show of ire and frustration and we may mutter something to others about the person needing ‘anger management’.

‍Anger is a spectrum emotion ranging from mild irritation to out and out fury and if we’re honest we can probably all admit to succumbing to some form of anger, at least, every now and then. Many people report feeling increasingly angry as the pressures and demands of modern life increase.

‍Anger is an emotion that can appear to come from nowhere. Sometimes it is directed towards innocent people – whoever happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. At its extreme, the fallout can be devastating. Unresolved hurt can damage relationships, families and communities, while chronic anger can take a toll on our physical and emotional wellbeing. Yet anger is often treated as the problem itself rather than as a signal pointing towards deeper emotional pain, caused by hurt, humiliation, fear, betrayal or shame.

‍Understanding the roots of anger does not excuse harmful behaviour, but it does help us address its causes more effectively. Anger is not always a sign of unresolved trauma. Sometimes it is a healthy response to a boundary being crossed or a value being violated. Even then, it can invite us to attend to what matters, where our boundaries lie and what needs attention or repair.

‍Let’s look at the ancient Greek myth of Medusa. Often remembered as the snake-haired Gorgon whose gaze turned people to stone, her story is usually told as one of monsters, heroes and revenge. Less attention is given to what happened before she became a creature to be feared and defeated.

‍According to the myth, Medusa was once a beautiful mortal woman and priestess in Athena’s temple. After she was raped by Poseidon, Athena punished Medusa rather than the perpetrator, transforming her into a Gorgon with snakes for hair and a gaze that turned others to stone. Later, Perseus killed Medusa with Athena’s help.

‍Medusa’s rage did not emerge from nowhere. It followed profound violation, humiliation and injustice. Her story reminds us that when emotional wounds go untended, pain can become destructive and spread to others. She is both victim and aggressor, making it easy to see the link between suffering and anger.

‍But what about Athena? While Medusa's suffering is easy to recognise, Athena's role raises a different question: what pain might sit beneath the actions of those who cause harm.

Dr Bruce Perry and Oprah Winfrey in their book What Happened to You? encourage us to ask the question "What happened to you? not "What's wrong with you?" when thinking about historical wounding. When we take a psychological view of Athena’s story it begins in violence and loss. Born from Zeus after he swallowed her mother, Metis, Athena emerges into the world armed for battle. Perhaps her harsh treatment of Medusa can be seen as another example of pain being passed on rather than healed. The violence, loss and disconnection she experienced in Athena’s early life has a devastating outcome for Medusa.

As the myth shows us, anger frequently emerges when people (or Gods) feel unseen, powerless, shamed, frightened or deeply hurt. While stories and circumstances differ, the emotional dynamic is often similar: anger becomes a form of protection against vulnerability.

So as well as finding helpful strategies for managing anger in the moment, we need to be asking “What pain is this anger trying to protect?”. Because beneath many angry people is not a monster, but a wounded human being who no longer feels safe enough to share their pain, sadness and powerlessness. Perhaps understanding the tragedy of Medusa starts with us understanding the tragic story of Athena.

In my therapy practice, anger often appears as part of my clients' stories. Through artwork, movement, gesture, attention to the body's felt sense and responding to nature’s patterns and dynamics, we begin to explore and reflect on the connections between their experiences and emotional responses. Anger is often the visible flame. Beneath it lies the unseen fuel: grief, fear, shame, hurt, unmet need or violated boundaries. When we learn to attend to what the anger is protecting, we create the possibility not merely of managing anger, but of transforming it.

Learning to recognise what anger is protecting and what is needed to soothe the hurt or unheard parts of us can allow us to transform our relationship with it. This exploration sits at the heart of a workshop I am co-facilitating on 4th July 2026 in Crowborough, East Sussex. For further information and to book, go to: www.lucindaweis.com/anger-workshop